A wife mentioned to her husband that for her birthday,
she would like something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in four seconds.
She was expecting something like this…
But her husband presented her with something very different...
really different... which explain why the husband is now in a critical but stable condition in ICU!
See for yourself.
Chua Soi Lek quit politics after his sex scandal. Since he had a talent for pumping, he decided he will go into the petrol business. There, he reckons he can still pump a little, and for once be paid for it. As a politician, he had talent. But selling petrol wasn't something he was trained for so sales was slow. One day, he decided to put up a promotion to increase his sales. So, he put up a sign that read, "Free Sex with Fill-Up." Soon Zam pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. Doc Chua told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. Zam guessed 8, and Doc Chua said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time."A week later, Zam, along with his UMNO friend Khairy, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. Doc Chua again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Zam guessed 2 this time. Doc Chua said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time."As they were driving away, Khairy said to Zam, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."Zam replied, "No it ain't, KJ. It's not rigged at all. My wife won twice last week."
Somebody farted during the inquiry. Inquiry officer asked Tengku Adnan first: Did you fart? Adnan replied: You must be drunk or mad. the officer then asked Dr Mahathir: Did you fart? Mahathir answered: I don't remember. Anyway it's my prerogative to fart and I don't have to answer to anybody. He then asked Eusoff Chin: Did you fart? Eusoff Chin answered: If anyone wants to fart, what can I do? The officer then turned to Lingam: Did you fart? Lingam replied: Sounds like mine, smells like mine ..........but....it is not me.Well, these jokes involves with the big numbers in the country but its kind of funny though. Have fun!
I was feeling a bit depressed the other day, so I called the Samaritans. I was put through to a Call Centre in Pakistan. I explained that I was feeling suicidal. They were very excited at this news, and wanted to know if I could drive a truck or fly an aeroplane...
While walking down the street one day a 'Malaysian Boleh' Minister is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the man.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really, I have made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Yang Berhormat
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules," says St. Peter.
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and dressed in the finest batik there is. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then indulge themselves on lobsters, caviar and the most expensive food there is.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.
"Now it' s time to visit heaven."
So, 24 hours pass with the Yang Berhormat joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."
The Yang Berhormat reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think Ai yam better off in hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.
"I don't understand," stammers the Yang Berhormat. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning just like you during an election . . . Today you voted"
